A few of my executive coachees talked to me recently about the personal pressure they feel from being seen as a role model. One felt like an imposter, unworthy of the way people saw her and felt exposed. Another felt that she could not live up to perceived high expectations, would fail as the ‘perfect’ role model and let people down.
Often these folk aren’t ‘choosing’ the role. Few stand up and say “look at me, I’m a great role model”. If they did people probably wouldn’t identify them as one. It is assumed about them by others, as they are seen in some way as inspirational.
In coaching these women, I notice some trends and what makes them stand out. I’ve reflected on what great questions people could ask themselves, to ascertain what type of role model they are or want to be and to help them feel confident enough to accept the invitation and to have more intent around how best to help others.
So to help you define what kind of role model you are or want to be, here are a ‘magnificent seven’ questions to reflect upon:
1. What’s your story?
Reflect back on your career (or life!), and the some of the key things that have defined the journey. What have you been most proud of? What have you learnt along the way? Be clear on your story and think about what others might be able to take from it for themselves. Observe what’s good about the present time, and also the vision for where you are headed.
2. How authentic are you?
When observing how you show up, they are looking for role models who are themselves and not trying to be something they are not. How true to yourself are you at work? Where are you compromising? Show that you do the right thing for you and your values. Be clear on what you stand for, show your passion and highlight what your ‘brand’ offers; show those consistently. Call it out when you see people (especially senior ones) not acting with a sense of fair play.
3. How human are you being?
The wonderful Ted Talk from Brene Brown ‘The Power of Vulnerability’ speaks to this piece beautifully. People may aspire to be superhuman, yet most know it’s an impossible task set to fail or create burnout. People want reality from their role models, to see warts and all, not just the Teflon outer casing. If your position (or grade, remuneration, childcare, support package…) is different or more gilded than what others may have, acknowledge that and think about how things might be for them before you talk about top tips from your own life view.
4. Do you have ‘rushing woman syndrome’?
Make a search online for this syndrome; how much of this do you recognise? Some of my coachees who aspire to progression look up and see senior people who run around like headless chickens, working all hours and in total tailspin. They wonder if that’s how you need to be to get on. What image are you portraying? What do you want to portray? If, say, you want to resemble an owl, calm and wise, what is it you need to change or let go of?
5. How well do make your work-life blend?
People will be looking to you to see how you manage your ‘work-life blend’. They may want to know how one can take less on; to say no without fear of limiting their career. Start by defining what it is you want to do more of, what gives you energy and what you are great at, and then the converse. Think about who you need to influence to make that happen, and face courageously into that conversation. Be gracious, smart and strategic around how you say no. Think how to say ‘yes and’, not ‘no but’. Talk openly about managing capacity and resourcing, giving solutions to both, so others can see its ok to do that too. With quality delivery in mind, know when things are good enough, and be clear and open with colleagues when your home life is taking priority.
6. How compassionate are you to yourself?
High-achievers are notoriously hard on themselves, and sometimes on others. Find ways to be kind to yourself each week, and celebrate your and other people’s successes in a way feels right for you. When you suffer a knockback, it is how you respond that counts. If that big pitch doesn’t go well or you lose your important case, dust yourself down, take the learning, and show others that you have compassion for yourself and for them when the chips are down.
7. How are you bringing about change for the good?
Being seen as a role model can bring the opportunity to use influence positively and help others as others may have helped you. What are you passionate about? How can you help to change the status quo for those coming through? Pioneers can be found in all sorts of places. It could be that you returned from parental or extended leave and progressed your career whilst working in an agile way and that things weren’t easy. What can you do to feedback those challenges and your ideas to your organisation? What body or network could you join or speak at? Show courage in your convictions and others will be able to follow your lead.
I’ve found good role models demonstrating these magnificent 7 throughout the hierarchies of organisations, across life generally, in all shapes, sizes and genders. Those in search of role models often say it is crucial that people they can see ‘making it’, above or around them, need to be relatable; and not necessarily always those in the highest echelons, often far from it. I read once that the best role models are ‘ordinarily extraordinary’, which I love. So, what kind of role model are you?
